I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
