Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
