this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
