Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
