He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i think i have two assholes
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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