Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
