there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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