Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
