So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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