i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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