i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
