He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Randomize
