yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
