Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
