Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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