whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
