is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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