i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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