I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
