We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
