literally had 100 drinks last night.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
