I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
