the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
and you said cock pushups were impossible
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Randomize
