my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
