you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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