Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
