Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
you never un-have a 4some
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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