Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
