I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
