i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
