i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
