I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
