using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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