My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
