I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
