So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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