Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
