this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
