Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize