okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
