im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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