I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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