I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
