Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
