So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
