The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
