I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
