I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
