Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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