Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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