Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
