I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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