I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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