Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Rumble strips road head = magical
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
