You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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