I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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