addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
