Your tits are I can't wait for
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
