today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
