I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
