I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
