Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
