Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
