thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
