remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
