I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
