hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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