i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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