So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
