I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
