So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
