They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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