I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We have so much sex to catch up on
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
