At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
