do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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