Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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