So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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