wakey wakey hands off snakey
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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