I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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