Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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