I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
