its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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