I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
They have beer where we have blood.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
