Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
