hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
